You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The best revenge is premature balding
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
