Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
