Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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