sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
