I got chris browned last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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