Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
