Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
