he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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