I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You pole danced in your parka.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
