You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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