"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
