also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
