btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
