just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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