Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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