frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
