Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
