last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
