I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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