I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think your dad took our porno
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
