She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
