Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
