yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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