So drunk its hurt
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
