so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
