i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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