ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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