The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
