she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
