Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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