I got chris browned last night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
