They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
