dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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