We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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