I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
