I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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