But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
