I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
