the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
