So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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