How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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