If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My penis needs a shock collar
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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