Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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