I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
