Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
