I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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