there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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