My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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