# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
