saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
