i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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