Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
