I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
PANTIES FOUND
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