I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
