We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
