Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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