Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
