In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
