if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
