I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
