I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
