clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
they're like a gay fantastic four
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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