not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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