I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
