Michael Bay diarrhea
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
