people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
