toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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