Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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