So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
