I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
