Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
