i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just blew my weed a kiss
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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