The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think my fart just growled at me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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