I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
