Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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