I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
