Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
