u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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