so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
