Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
