god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
