my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
